EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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