Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
