Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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