Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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