why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
