You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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