dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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