We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
