Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
