I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
