Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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