i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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