we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
