I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
