He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
