and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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