Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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