how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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