Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
