Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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