I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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