Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(989): View more from Michigan

i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.

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(276): View more from Virginia

Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles

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(425): View more from Washington

I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.

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(917): View more from New York City

Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?

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(281): View more from Texas

Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight

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(212): View more from New York

She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?

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(941): View more from Florida

My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick

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