can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
