my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
