You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
