Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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