I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
