ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
