If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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