I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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