you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
