im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
