at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
