4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
