Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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