she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just high enough for therapy.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
