That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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