imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
