i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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