I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
