The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
