Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
