I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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