I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think I died a long time ago.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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