I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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