i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
