I'm drive I can fine osifer
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
