We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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