I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
