god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
