worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
