no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
