my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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