I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
