she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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