dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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