I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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