it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
