Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
