She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
