bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
