btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
