just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize