Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
