This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
