I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
