"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
