No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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