I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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