I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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