i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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