So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
