I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
