i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize