break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
