I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
