just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
