A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
