we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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