you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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