drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
