Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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