my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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