you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He did a backflip because drugs
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