Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
