I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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