Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize