your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
