She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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