I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
