sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize