Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
