Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
